I just turned 25...

Yeah, that's right. I have been on this earth for 25 long years now. (Wow!) It is not an achievement, perhaps my destiny. I thank god for letting me live here (I hope he will let me live even more ;) ). I don't know how to react on finishing this so called milestone. Whether to feel happy that it is time for yet another birthday party or feel sad that I am growing old ;) and for the reason that I have to treat my friends. Whatever it is, on this day, 25 years ago, I was born! I opened my eyes to see this beautiful world for the first time! So innocent, so delicate, so pure just like every other newborn. I was rewarded by the beautiful gift of god... the Life...

Today, I am writing this post to share things which I might have never shared before...

Note: This post is not for those who don't want to read things about me... not for those who don't like long posts... and not for those who think this is getting boring. If you fall in this category, you better stop reading it further :) I am not writing this to show off... Its just that, I went back into those memory lanes and this is what I found...

I consider myself to be extremely lucky to reach where I am today. I never really struggled hard to achieve anything. In fact I don't really think that there is something which can be said " that's my achievement". You may be thinking that, this is my ego. But that's not true. I have got extremely caring and friendly parents, loving grand parents, uncles and aunts, and a younger brother, in this way - I feel honored to have a family when compared to those who never had. Apart from the basic needs, even before I complained or plead I was given almost everything. I am lucky when compared to those who don't even have basic needs written in their fate! I have been given proper education which made me respectful, independent on financial matters and have some status in the society. I feel lucky to be so, when compared to those who could never make it to school or college....

But the question that came to my mind today was - did I make the right use of opportunities and the facilities that I have been given in these 25 years? What is that I have achieved so far? Do I have anything that can be listed as accomplishments? Do I know what I want in life? In simple words - "Have I made the most of 25 years I  lived?

Even though my mind which always jumps into conclusion without thinking replied "Yes, I think so", wiser part of my mind said "wait a min, let me think".

After thinking for a while, it continued "No, you haven't". Deep down my heart, even I knew that I haven't made the best use of whatever I had in life. There is no point in repenting so I am not going to do that. But whats there in sharing!

Personally, my friends find my life a mystery. I made a lot... ok, quite a few friends... But I am not in regular contact with all. They said I was moody and unpredictable. They could never judge what was going in my head and when my mood changed. (May be they still think the same...) Some even went ahead and compared me to a chameleon - a creature which  keeps changing its color on need basis. When I was in school, due to my decent marks and being active in several activities, I was always in limelight. I enjoyed the importance given. Who doesn't want to be famous. Isn't it? But during PU, there was a sudden drop - both in my marks and in my personality. I was no more in the list of famous characters. I never participated in any events. That doesn't mean that I was studying hard. I  bunked many of my regular classes and even tutions!. I was bugged with PC games for the first time, and that spoiled my time, my concentration towards studies. I was considered to be good son of my parents who had never done any sin... I lied to them to save myself from getting caught.. to maintain the false image that they had about me.. I was completely a spoilt kid... Yes! I was a chameleon.

Being the eldest son in my family, I was never a role model to my siblings. Thankfully, my brother didn't choose my way. I could never stand up to my parents expectations... 

Hoping to get rid of all these things and start a new life, god showed me the path that ended in Canara engineering college. For the first time, (I know everything happens for the first time in life) I had to stay away from my parents - means more chances of me stepping into the wrong path. But, I had a great friends circle who prevented me from going into the wrong way. I would say, it is important for any person to stay away from parents for some time though it has its own advantages and disadvantages. I mean, it is important for anyone to learn - how to be on their own. However, there should be some constant supervision from parents/relatives. There were chances of people going into the wrong path. But in my case, it certainly turned out to be blessing in disguise. I gradually became more matured with time... Met so many people who were all different in their own way. Learned many things from them and the life over there apart from what was taught in the engineering classes.

Gradually, the creativity in me started showing its true color. From the silent, shy person I started to transform into what I am, truly. But... I couldn't leave the PC games. I bought my own PC. And then another destructor/constructor - the mobile phone. I had started scoring brownie points in my personal life.. But that was when my academics had become all time low! When I weighed my interest in academics against all the other things like - extra curricular, mobile chats (obviously with gals), PC games the latter weighed more. 

Then we had this event - Canara Idol that brought me from level 0 to level 10 (fame scale) in no time. The on-stage performances, the so called fame made me famous in college. Obviously, I loved it. Did that affect my grades? I don't think so. I was lazy when it came to studies. That was the culprit. I remember it was "Field Theory" semester exams the next day at 9.30AM and I had just started with the first chapter the previous night. It was one of the toughest subjects. Night out was the only way that could give me passing marks. But... I dozed off. I answered the only question I knew in the whole question paper within 15 min. And then I literally sat for another painful 2 and half hours flipping the pages of question paper wondering that could get me some answers. My mind had given up. What happened then - Obviously, I flunked. 

I had a serious crush on someone (sorry fellas, I can't mention the name). Thank god, she was a cheat and it didn't really last long! (wondering why? well thats a surprise :) ). Some even told me that, I had some secret fan following... But I neglected (even though it fascinated me :P ). And guess what! One day I got a proposal from a gal! That didn't last for too long either. Thanks so much to all who put me in confusions and complexities due to which I could get rid of what possibly could have been a disaster! (Confused? Good :) ). The whole incident resulted in drastic change in my personal life, mental torture and finally, it all fell apart resulting in, me hurting/breaking the hearts of 3 girls! (Confused again?! Great.. :) ). Thus, without actually doing much, or doing something really bad, I managed to break 4 hearts, including mine. But you see, everything happens for good. And this one certainly turned out to be the best mistake of my life :P

Somehow I manged to clear the hurdles that VTU had setup. Software companies started visiting our college as a part of their recruitment drive. All my friends, one by one started getting placed and I was left out for my own deeds. I wasn't jealous. But that feeling is horrible. It was nothing to do with the extra curricular activities (excluding PC games and mobile chats) but my negligence. However, just two days before our final year college day, I got placed in Robosoft. This was not my first attempt, in fact the forth. Infy, Satyam and Iwave being the first three that I had tried.  When the personal life screwed up, the academic started to come out with flying colors! Interesting... For the first time after 10th, I could make my parents smile for the right reason. :) Perhaps, its their blessings and prayers that kept me in the right path.

I started my new life as a professional(!).  As the time progressed, my personal life started to shape in the right way. And I fell in Love! This time, I knew what I was doing. After taking enough time to understand the person even better, I found that the feelings were mutual. And on this day, I can say that - I am committed. Still, whatever I had in life, never seemed enough. And thats exactly what is happening now. God gifted me some of his best creations as parents, friends, soul mate and so on. He gave me a job through which I could earn my daily bread and butter.... But, still there is something missing... Perhaps, that's life. We race against time behind something which we want. But we are not sure what it is! (It is true, at least in my case...)


"Is this the end of story?" my wiser mind asked me. And then I went back to the world of my imagination.

Thus, 25 years gone and I am no more innocent, no more delicate and not so pure ;). Just like every other person who has lived so far. Everyone has ups and downs in their life. Some say, we have got only one life to live and we got to make the most of it. Have I done that till now? Whatever the answer is, it doesn't count. What counts is how am I going to spend the rest of my life. I couldn't achieve excellence either in my academics or being a professional. I have done lot of mistakes in life, I may still do in future. But then if humans don't do mistakes then who else does? :) One thing is sure that, I will not be so helpless the next time and I will be ready to tackle. That's experience. Perhaps, that makes me feel good today. Will I do good in the rest of my life cannot be answered now. I will do better than this quarter/half is certain. Though it sounds over-confident, I will put it as a 'humble hope'. In fact "hope" is what keeps us going in life... always.

Some say, this is the time you need to be more responsible. This is the time, your joyful days drain and you need to settle down, take up responsibilities of yourself and your family on your shoulders. Earn more, Save more chant gets more intensified. Slowly and eventually, you will get to see the tougher/real side of life etc etc.... 

My wiser mind asked for the last time "Are you I scared?"

I replied..

"Bring it on baby... I can handle it..." as I woke up in the early morning, looking at the sun on the first day of my 26th year... it all looked the same just like every other year...