Unforgettable Diwali...

I must say, those days I was having crush on every other girl I met... The one who had lots of follower, the one who was sitting alone in the cafe, the one who was tomboyish and always surrounded by the guys,  one who was a typical gossip maker, one who always kept silent, one with those magical eyes, one with those wonderful smile, the one who was considered to be the bomb of our college, one who was different from others, simple yet elegant… sigh…  I loved college life!

For a guy, who had his first affair in the 6^th standard, who proudly possesses that art of flirting, this place was like heaven. I don’t blame those guys like the author of this blog, for being dumb that they couldn’t even have a conversation with a girl! After all it was an art! All my friends used to call me the love guru – you see I made a girl fall in love with my friend just through messages, acting like him! I was that good!!

So, for a guy like me – crush & love were all the same, and it was fun. I could easily fall for someone and then get out of it pretty easily. However, one thing I have to say that I never crossed the limits and all  my crush were just like me… No hard feelings… I was never serious about any girl and I was not ready for any commitments. 

But then I met her…

She wasn’t that beautiful the first time I met, never had those beautiful eyes and her smile was just ordinary. She knew all about my character, thanks to  the gossip in girls hostel. But I wouldn’t blame them. Perhaps even we did the same to some extent! I was introduced to her by one of our common friends. Like all those Bollywood movies, those silly fights & arguments slowly brought us close to each other. We had differences in everything but there was one thing common between us. We never let our true self come out that easily. When it did, it started developing a soft corner towards the other. For the first time, I started liking someone for what she was from the inside… her character played a vital role, slowly but gradually she tickled my heart.

Even the hottest girl in college seemed to have gone dull in front of her… She never changed but then she started looking prettier day by day. For the first time, her eyes sparkled and her smile seemed to have carved by the almighty himself! I couldn’t believe myself but this sudden change of events meant that I was in love! This time, for real… It wasn’t one sided. I couldn’t tell this for sure, but I could read her mind… I was never dumbstruck in front of a girl, but that day – when she wore that dress which I gifted on her b’day, I did! She realized it and she started blushing… Oh man! I can never forget that look… That night I couldn’t sleep for even a second… With all the courage in the world I finally proposed her. And her reply was even better! She said – ‘why did you take such a long time?’.

It was Diwali the next morning and we celebrated together since it was a holiday. Certainly it brought us happiness that can never be expressed in words. From next day, we were always seen together. Our feelings was pure and we made a pact to be together forever. 

But fate had planned something else…

After finishing college we both were placed in the same city but working for different companies. This never stopped us from meeting on a daily basis. Soon it was time to take the relationship to the next level – marriage. But there was one problem. We were not from the same cast & we both knew this would create problems at home. And it did. As expected both of our parents were not ready, especially her father who was reluctant to even speak about it. We tried thousand times to convince, but in vain. We could’ve fled, but at some point we felt that it wasn’t right. We loved our parents and going against them for our happiness was the last thing that we wanted… Eight years of pure relationship was in the verge of coming to an end…

I got a message that day, saying her parents have found someone suitable for her & suitable for them to be accepted as their son-in-law. It also had the date and venue of their engagement. That day, I was completely broken. But I respected her decision, I knew her better than anyone else. She called me that night and I could only hear her crying… It was a tough decision for her to make but I could understand the pain she went through while taking that step… I didn’t blame her, I couldn’t… My life was shattered yet I stopped my tears and  tried to comfort her just the way I used to do whenever she was sad…

The next time I met her, was on her engagement day. It was horribly difficult for me to convince myself to attend the ceremony, where the person whom I loved the most was getting engaged to someone else. But she insisted, and like always, I couldn’t say ‘no’… Often, we come across situation where you feel that someone, someone inside you is twisting your heart so vigorously,  that at one point, it takes a herculean effort to even bare the pain. Yet, we will have to wear a smile, trying hard not to showcase the inner feelings. It was just the case that day with me and also with her… Her eyes had lost its charm completely, may be because of excess amount of tears or the lack of sleep. Either way, we both were standing there helpless. I wished her even before the ceremony started with a smiling face which was obviously fake and I left the place…

 After her marriage which I couldn’t attend, we kept contact. However, the conversation was much more mechanical & was only up to the point.

It was the first Diwali, after her marriage. For the first time in 9 years, when the whole nation was celebrating the festival of light, I felt as if I was surrounded by the darkness of whole world. That day I got her call. She invited me to her house. May be she knew that I was feeling lonely. It was little awkward, but then I knew, it was the same with her… You see, feeling lonely even when you are surrounded by your loved ones is much more miserable than when you are actually alone… Sensing this thought from her voice, I decided to visit her place. She lived in an apartment with her husband. Her husband welcomed me with a friendly gesture when I reached her house and we had some usual chat. Obviously, he didn’t know much about me except that I was just a good old friend to his wife. He then went out to buy some stuff that left us alone in their house for some time.

She brought something hiding behind her hands, with that face which seemed to have forgotten how to smile… Tears stumbling through her eyes, she came to me with an outstretched hand revealing what she was hiding. There was a small container with kumkum in it. I was literally dumbstruck and was not at all expecting anything of that sort. In fact, I was not able to even think what she was up to. With her broken voice she said, “I hope you can understand why I took such a decision… But I can’t live with this guilt of being a wife of someone else… For once… Just once, I want you to fill my forehead with this kumkum... I couldn’t stop myself becoming what I am today… I also know that we can never be together like how we always dreamt of… You will be marrying someone else someday and then you will be busy with your life…  But for the sake of our love and for my own sake, I want you to take me as your wife, even for a few seconds..”

After a brief pause, I denied…  I just replied, “…the very moment you said ‘yes’ to my proposal, I had accepted you as my better half… Our love is pure and it shall remain that way forever… It doesn’t need any of these man-made customs…It is beyond any of these customs & boundaries... But now, you are married… don’t punish him for what life has taken away from you… “

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It was a moment that I can never, ever forget. And Diwali will remain a festival that symbolizes Light & darkness in my life….

Disclaimer: Credit goes to someone I know for telling me the plot which is based on a real life story. I might have exaggerated in many places...